Or rather, my ego needs to leggo me. Our ego: the set of beliefs we have about ourselves that keep us in the role or position in life that we can handle. When we contradict those beliefs we feel unsure and even unsafe. Our ego quickly pulls us back in to the role we play: the not good enough one, the bad one, the overweight one, and so on. It holds us to a definition of ourselves that keeps us feeling just a little bit bad about this or that – never fully feeling safe to just feel completely good about ourselves. It keeps us always thinking we need to be a little bit better, a little bit smarter or a little bit thinner. It beats us up. It’s our internal judge. And no one on this planet will judge you harsher than your own ego. Whether your ego tells you you’re wrong, bad, fat, lazy, stupid, unlovable or unattractive; it does all these things to keep us in our place. A place we may not be happy in, but we seem stuck there. The truth is we are dying to break free from this place but our easily threatened ego quickly stifles our attempts to be more than we currently are and to be happy. Wondering what your ego thinks about you? Whatever we tell ourselves in a moment of failure, that’s our ego talking. I blew it because, “I’m blah blah blah”. Or in those moments when we feel inspired to take a brave step and then think “Oh no, I can’t do that. What would people think?” or “I am not _____ enough to do that”. And boom, you’re knocked right back down where your ego thinks you belong. Youv’e been put back in the role you know how to handle, where you’re comfy. Think about this: if your ego thinks you are overweight, flabby and unattractive, how can you ever be fit, lean and beautiful. If your ego keeps you in the role of unhappy, how can you ever actually BE happy? Two things can’t exist simultaneously – the door can’t be both open and shut at the same time. We must choose. Our ego will always pick the familiar role – the one we may be trying hard to outgrow – and just like that the spark to be better gets squelched. Extinguished. Stamped out. Well if we really want to be happy and in our perfect, healthy body we need to let it go. It’s not going to go quietly though and I’m not sure it will ever go completely – but you can get it to loosen its grip on you. For 2011, the role I want to break free from is the “perfect one”. I am embracing that my best is enough, I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to do my best and be kind to myself in the process. My best one week may be 4 workouts instead of 6 because I’m sick or tired or just need another recovery day. My best will be doing those 4 workouts well and not obsessing over the time at the gym that I missed. My thoughts about food will be of nourishment and health, not on what I can’t have because I need to be on a diet. 2011 is just around the corner: what roles would you like to redefine or break free from this year? Where is your ego holding you back, keeping you from doing what you love or loving yourself completely? What do you want to think or feel about yourself when you look back at 2011 from next December? I know that I want to have a less harsh judgement of myself and redefine what it means for me to like my body, hips and all. Come December 2011, I want to know I’ve kicked my sweet little ego’s butt.
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