Day 18 – I Am Inspired To Be Bold

December 18, 2010

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” ~ van Goethe  I was not particularly schooled in van Goethe’s work or philosophy, but the greeting card with these words spoke to me so I bought it, framed it and set it on my desk.  I have also never particularly thought of myself as bold, but I realize I haven’t been paying much attention to who I really am. And it turns out I am quite bold. I think for so many years my focus has been what’s wrong with me, what I need to fix, what others must dislike about me. Even in my most shining moments, there was still a nagging doubt in my mind about my worth.  Boldness is something I’ve admired in other people – those people that have the courage and stamina to really do amazing things and the belief in that they can make it.  The people that see what they want and don’t stop to doubt, they just do. Even if they have questions or concerns, they go for it; trusting in themselves that they’ll figure it out. I’ve always thought women who were bold were beautiful…no matter what they looked like. Boldness seems to create an air of beauty regardless of their haircut or body fat percentage. When I met a woman that embodied this quality, I always wanted to be more like her. But being bold means knowing you’ve got what it takes to make big things happen  – trusting that when you take that step, you’ll land on your feet. How could someone who wonders if she’s good enough take that kind of risk? When I look back at my life since my early twenties, turns out whether I thougtht I could or not, that’s exactly how I’ve been living my life. Turns out I’ve been a bold, daring woman all along. Why couldn’t I see it? My doubt was clouding the reality of who I actually was. I’m not saying that everything I’ve ever done has been a success, but I have been bold. I’ve been a woman I would admire…and I’m glad I can finally see her.  With about $2000 to my name, a brand new relationship and a whole lot of fear I left my comfortable life in Seattle and moved to Manhattan.  I was scared that I wouldn’t find new patients to fill my practice – no one had any idea what the hell a “naturopathic doctor” was. “Oh you mean like a massage therapist?” No not really. “Well at least you didn’t have to go to school for that.” Actually I went for a really long time, not unlike other doctors you may know. I was wondering how we’d pay rent and buy food – NYC is not a cheap place to move to. I felt nervous how I’d possibly fit in with the people here – I’d seen Sex and the City after all and was pretty sure I couldn’t manage running around in couture and 3 inch heels every day. But I did it anyway. I was bold. Since I’ve been here I’ve had my moments where my fear got the best of me and I shied away from opportunities, but for the most part I’ve seized them.  In just the last week I’ve had talks of a new book, talks of a TV show and booked 2 spots on radio for January. Wanna know the best part? I am starting to feel less like this all was all luck and realizing that I’ve been bold and taken a lot of action. I am starting to realize that I may be more than I thought I was – despite what I feel like on my worst days. We spend so much time and energy on the things we aren’t happy about, the things we want to change about ourselves, that we fail to see ourselves clearly.  In the struggle to be perfect and finally rid ourselves of theoe nasty flaws, sometimes we miss who we already are. So do something bold today: be honest with yourself about who you really are. It’s not all bad is it? In fact, some of it is very admirable.  I’ve realized lately that we are often closer to the person we’re trying to become than we think and when we stop thinking we can’t be happy until we get there, we miss out on life and on ourselves.

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